Everyone knows child abuse is wrong, so it can feel pointless to say it wasn’t your fault, but that silence leaves us carrying the blame. The reactions we formed under stress become mistaken for personality. We blame ourselves for being “too much,” “too emotional,” “too weak,” when those are trauma responses, not flaws. This article explores how self-blame lingers, how it distorts everyday experiences, and what it looks like to finally put it down.

The year is 1987, I’m fifteen, it’s autumn, and no one is going to help me, much less save me. One night after the mall closed, I met Daniel in an empty parking lot. He was older, driving a black car that smelled of sandalwood and played The Sisters of Mercy. Instead of danger, what I found in that brief friendship was something quietly life-changing: a kind word, a different way to see the world, and a momentary guide through a dark time.

My work helps people disentangle themselves from the effects of trauma. It begins by understanding that CPTSD isn't just from single events, but often from ongoing difficult experiences. This includes things like unstable childhoods, neglect, domestic violence, addiction, bullying, poverty, discrimination, or manipulative relationships. The core issue is a lasting feeling of threat, insecurity, or betrayal.

“Honestly, I was in my late forties before I even sat down to consider that I had never sat down to consider how to go about becoming an adult whom I liked and could count on. A single message ran along my nervous system to say you are here, you will always be here. It was my own grounding ritual, pointing toward the soil of the earth, toward the center of gravity.”